Christmas: It's a love/hate relationship...

For those of you who know me, you know I have never really liked Christmas.. My family has always called me the GRINCH! It probably started when I was nine, when my best friend died.. She died in January, so the last memories I have of her are from Christmas time.. Then, when I was thirteen, my uncle died three days after Christmas. Just lots of sad memories of Christmas time.

I never wanted to decorate, not a huge fan of Christmas music, etc. Because seriously, what is the need to start playing the darn music an entire MONTH before the holiday!?? I remember one year, Amelia and I were supposed to decorate the tree... We ended up throwing all the non breakable ornaments at the tree and left them where they landed. Needless to say, our mom wasn't thrilled!

It was really weird this year, because I was actually EXCITED about Christmas!! WHAT?!?! I don't really remember a year that I was excited. I have always acted thrilled for the kids, because I don't want them to be a Grinch like me! I think it must be that this year, both of the girls are excited. Kary actually SCREAMS every time we see Christmas lights! It's just the most amazing thing to her! Every morning she wakes up and asks if it's Christmas yet!

I thought perhaps it was that I was going to church again, and maybe having Christ in the center of my life again made me appreciate the holiday... I don't think that's what it is. I mean, I have always loved the reason to celebrate: Christ's birth. I think it's a very important thing. And, even in high school, when I was really big into church, I still didn't like Christmas, so that is not why my Grinch-ness has left.. The girls know that is why we celebrate Christmas, but also let them have fun with Santa.. I don't know if Kary will believe in him by next year, so I am enjoying this excitement with her!! She thinks about everything in a very critical way... I don't know if that word descibes it well enough, but she doesn't believe in fairies.. She tells me, "Mom, they are not real, they are pretend." Hmm.. true, but what made you come up with this discovery!?

So, Wes was really weirded out this year when I wanted to decorate. Direct quote, "Why do you want to decorate? You NEVER want to decorate for Christmas. And, why do we have Christmas movies and music now?" I DON'T KNOW!!! I blame it on the girls. They have softened my heart for this crazy, wild, sometimes selfish, annoying, and joyous holiday! So, here is hoping that next year I will have the same excitement for Christmas!!!